A recent incident: I was in the training room, and a couple of guys were following the cricket world cup match going on. I, as usual, wasn't paying much attention. The guy sitting next to me (a pretty cool guy) asked if I was interested in the score. Trying to blend in with the guys, I said yes, I was. And then asked what the score was. He told me. I said ok, and got back to my work. He then asked me if I also wanted to know which team was batting. A group guffaw followed. Oops!

And what was I trying to do? Blend-in? Which obviously is not going to work out, since usually I don't know dice about the random things people talk about. I'm totally lost. And then I fake it.

Thinking about it, why must I fit in? I'm totally not into the stuff people are into. I just like what I like, which happens to be computers and programming. And I can't find many people who are excited by that. Come to think about it, I was a misfit right from school. Most people didn't grok at all what I was talking/thinking about. Very few friends did. Even my folks had no idea what I was talking about most of the time (a situation which has mercifully changed for the better in the recent years). And I didn't understand what these grown up people or my classmates were talking about. Ok, maybe not that bad, but I do remember being pretty mystified by what was going on. By how most people behaved, or what they talked about. It was only in college that I met up with some kindred souls.

And now, years later, I'm still trying to fit it. Which is kind of sad. I should have realized by now there is no way I can fit in and still be interested in the things I am interested in, or be the kind of person that I am. Sigh. Anyway better late than never.

Here is an article which talks about something related: Why Nerds are Unpopular .